I was never a religious person, I had cast away my faith for most of my life. I rolled my eyes at those who put so much hope and belief into a being whom no one has ever seen with their own eyes. I had come to accept that I was a bitter soul; lonely and angry. I never desired love nor found it appealing. I found it to be a hindrance if anything.
However, in my late 20s, a time where I was incredibly lost in life, I had stumbled upon a beacon of hope. Odette was her name. My eyes had found her as she lingered outside a religious-looking building on a cold morning. Now it wasn’t my first time seeing this woman, but it was just that I was seeing her for the first time as a woman.
Growing up in this small town you begin to memorize faces and know every minute detail about people you don’t quite care for. Odette was the daughter of the town priest so of course I had never really paid her any mind, I figured she’d try and force her own beliefs on me and that was not something that enticed me. But amidst the biting fog, her white clothing and warm aura lured me in.
We had never spoken in our entire lives here yet I began to yearn for conversation. Her black tendrils of curls blew delicately in the wind, carrying over a whiff of sweet floral laying on a bed of musky vanilla. It was intoxicating the way it invaded my every membrane. Her pale skin illuminated against the grayness of the weather and I had found myself drooling at that moment of her standing outside the building of something I hated the most.
After that day, that woman was the only thing that lived inside my head. She never left, and to be honest I didn’t want her to ever leave. My body and mind begged for interaction with her, and somehow, I’m not quite sure how, but I had managed to spark up a conversation with her one rainy day out in the town. It went against everything I believed in.
Religion wasn’t my thing yet her entire family was the symbol for it in this fucking town but I couldn’t ignore her existence. It wasn’t just the fact that I didn’t believe in God for no reason, I had my quarrels with him for events that had taken place in my past. I didn’t want to engage with Odette because of the religious connotation but it was also the fact that I didn’t want to taint such a seemingly innocent being with my own lingering darkness.
Against my better judgment and the arguments I had with myself in my mind, I continued to seek her whenever I got the chance. Every interaction and conversation we had made my skin tingle. It was like a high and I had become an addict. Odette was a sweet, soft-spoken girl that, to my surprise, never once mentioned religion in any of our conversations. It was like a blessing, something too good to be true.
I feared she would begin to avoid me, worried I might ruin her reputation as a religious symbol just by being in my presence. Yet she never refrained from any move I made on her. Our talks grew longer, and deeper, and the time we spent together stretched on until one day I simply couldn’t deny my feelings for the god-like woman.
I somehow convinced her to sneak out late at night and come stay with me. I had told myself this would be the time I opened up about how I felt and had mentally prepared for rejection just in case. What I didn’t realize is that that night, I would become a god-believing soul.
Odette conducted herself in a way that shook me to my core, a new side I had never expected, but unconsciously yearned for. She was acting like me. High and intoxicated. My own feelings mirroring within her. I remember the feeling of her hands and how she grabbed onto me with such need, a need that pushed me over the edge with just one simple push.
Her reclusive facade seemed to have cracked away with just the two of us, in this intimate setting. Had I not realized that her infatuation met the same level as mine? Her want and need of me that she hid so well finally unraveled and my limerence was no longer.
That night Odette opened up to me in more ways than one. The woman that I had been yearning for, was now laid, cozied up in my sheets. Her porcelain skin glowed underneath my dark bedding. A newfound God for me to worship.
